I was checking e-mail and found a message from an unknown sender regarding two of my friends in New York, Bunni and Karen.  And I'm finding the worst news usually comes from strangers since he informed me that both my friends have died.

Having a chronic illness, I understand that you sometimes like to keep the information to yourself since people begin to define you by that illness without meaning to.  The constant questions of how you are feeling as well as the looks of sympathy can wear thin on your emotions.  But even having performed that spy-like secrecy myself, I never detected that both these women were doing it to me.  Both lost their battles within months of each other - of illnesses I am still not fully aware of - after having been together as a loving couple for decades.  There is a sweetness to that.

I had recently sent them a letter and this strange e-mail had come from someone who was handling their affairs and had seen it.  I told him I appreciated that effort.

I didn't get to say goodbye to them, but fortunately Katie and I had just seen them in Atlanta within the last year.  And upon reflection our final visit at Silk in Midtown that evening had been as they needed it to be, full of laughter and celebration and a parting hug that didn't have to last too long.

Now that the frozen moment is ending, the tears begin to fall.

That was back in 1993.  I had been in Atlanta fresh from college for only a year and was already working at Turner Broadcasting.  My entry-level job involved telemarketing but I was ready to express the immense amount of creativity I knew I had and that one of the many Turner channels was thirsty for.  So I applied blindly to many of the job postings at CNN, TBS, Cartoon Network, Turner Classic Movies, and yes...TNT.  In my 23-year-old mind this was bound to work because MELISSA HAD ARRIVED IN ATLANTA!

It only took me another year to realize I was going nowhere up the Writing or Production ladder in the company and moved on to radio.  That proved to be the fruitful path for me, but there was always the sense of the "one that got away" - Turner Programming.

Now, 16 years later, I have been chosen to endorse TNT's new series, "HawthoRNe."  In essence, I have been hired as an Ambassador of sorts for TNT to inform our listeners that Jada Pinkett Smith is starring (finally) in her own show and that Nurses are going to have their say within it.  The show premieres this Tuesday at 9pm on TNT.

If only that hiring manager that threw my resume in the trash could see me now.  HA! is what I would tell them.   

Or should I say HA-thorne.

"HawthoRNe" stars Michael Vartan and Jada Pinkett Smith

Looks like I'm still trying to be part of TNT programming...

For those unfamiliar with Christian beliefs, there is a scripture in the Bible (Matthew 17:20) that says:

Mama Jo has a Mustard Seed necklace.  It is a necklace that contains an actual Mustard Seed.  Katie Jo's Mom is a Southern Baptist who has total belief in this small symbol of faith, so she encouraged me to take it along on my recent trip to L.A. with the Bert Show.  I did as she asked and dropped it in a pocket of my carry-on.

The initial flight to L.A. was bumpy leaving the Southern storms of the day, but smoothed out for most of the trip.  On approach to LAX things seemed fine.  Engines were low and we were easing down into the smog.  Then, despite listening to the plane's XM feed in loud headphones, the engines roared to a deafening level and the plane shot straight UP into the sky.

The Xanax in my system seemed to disappear, my lips and hands went numb, and the flop sweat began.  That's when the pilot announced through the speaker that there had apparently been some separation issue between us and another plane, and that we would be on the ground in about 15 minutes.  Get me out of this damn thing now, I thought.

That was Saturday.

Sunday the Bert Show got together that evening in one of our hotel rooms (on the 25th floor, by the way, for dramatic effect later on) to produce some segments for the next day's show when things began to shake.  I thought a laundry or trash bin was being wheeled down the hallway and thought nothing of it until Jeff announced it was an earthquake.  Sure enough, we soon learned a 4.7 quake had hit an area not far from downtown L.A. where we were.  Here's where I will repeat we were on the 25th floor with really nowhere to go.

Upon reporting these events back to Atlanta, Mama Jo asked if I had my Mustard Seed.  I said it was still in my bag and she said I had to wear the necklace for it to work properly.  I laughed it off.  How ridiculous was the idea that my not wearing that chain caused these things to happen.  Then I learned there were aftershocks a couple days later as we were heading to the "American Idol" finale.  I made a mental note to wear that sacred jewelry on my flight home.

At week's end I flew from Los Angeles to Jacksonville to meet Katie for Memorial Day weekend, with a brief stop in Atlanta.  Those were two of the best flights I had ever been on.

Did the Mustard Seed bring Divine intervention in my travels, or is Coincidence actually be the stronger religion? Regardless I know I won't be leaving that Mustard Seed in my bag anymore, and will say unto that plane get me from here to there smoothly....and hope, no believe, it will be possible.

Katie and I recently moved to a neighborhood that offered a free hand-made birdhouse to new residents.  Loving that very Pleasantville/Mayberry feel, we had this birdhouse planted in the backyard.  Cozy lawn ornament.

Something happened last week that made me notice the birdhouse.  Katie was throwing a Frisbee with our dog when all of the sudden....I zoned in on the birdhouse.  Walking toward it I motioned Katie to follow me.  I just wanted to see.  Could it be more than decoration?

I slowly lifted the small wooden door beneath the tiny hole and initially saw straw inside! That somehow inspired me to continue even slower until I had lifted the door completely.

You know how your eyes have to adjust when you first walk into a dark theater? For whatever reason my eyes were trying to adjust to the bird's nest that appeared before me.

A bird lifted it's head and stared at me, as if to say "Who The HELL Are YOU?"

My eyes opened wide as if I'd accidentally seen her naked.

I then jerked the door shut as I ducked my head, as if the bird had a gun.

Of course Katie was not satisfied by this, and boldly opened the door again to see what was inside.  Not hearing my warning to stop in time, I saw a blur of Katie losing her balance and blue feathers.  At the end of this very cartoonish exchange of dust, wings, and arms flailing.....the bird was gone.  

STILL not satisfied that she didn't see everything there was to see, Katie lifted the door AGAIN and ducked her head in while I was half-way to our back door.  That's when she informed me there were a nest of baby birds in there.

Now I'm not sure whether my Dad simply used this tactic to keep me out of trees and nests or if it is real, but I learned that you are not supposed to touch bird eggs or the Momma Bird will abandon them after smelling the foreign scent of human.  Was it the same for hatched birds? I tried to get us all in the house since I now felt bad that we disturbed that feathery family.  

"But they're babies in here," Katie said with enthusiasm.

I'm sure she imagined me in fatigues as I ordered her inside, explaining those babies could die if she didn't.  Reluctantly she came inside, and I stared out of the back window to see if the Mom would return.

Looking...

Looking...

Uh oh.  What have we done?

How are we going to take care of baby birds?

Katie got on the computer to learn how and to see if my theory of human scent was accurate.

And then, finally, a flicker of movement from a small branch.  Then I see her jump to another.  She landed on the birdhouse and stuck her head inside to see if those strange giants did anything to her children.  And then she popped inside.

All is well. 

Now I want to put up another birdhouse in the yard.

What is wrong?  Why can't we love each other and have fun together?

Bullying in school has resulted in multiple deaths just within the past couple weeks.  I understand bullying happens to girls in school, but right now I want to focus on the bullying that happens by and to boys because of the lives recently lost.

Last week 11-year-old Jaheem Herrera hanged himself at his home after bullying at Dunaire Elementary School in Dekalb County.  "They called him gay and a snitch,” his stepfather said. “All the time they’d call him this.”  He apparently had a notebook filled with notations of his experience.

This tragic tale comes on the heels of the death of Carl Walker-Hoover in Massachusetts, another 11-year-old, who committed suicide on April 10th after enduring months of bullying, including anti-gay slurs, at his school.  Carl left a note for his family in which he apologized, told his mother he loved her, and left his video games to his brother.

We have got to stop allowing strength in our society to come at the expense of someone else.  Especially with our men. I wrote a blog on Relationship Violence nearly 2 years ago, and since then we see continuous examples of men's crisis of identity.  Be a man.  Be tough.  But at what cost?  

Jaheem and Carl should be alive today and having fun.  But they are not and will never grow up to understand that their situations would change and life would get better.  

Have we really lost a sense of community?  Are not parents, teachers, friends, and neighbors responsible for each other and ALL to blame for what happened? I think so.

On air I have talked about my sleep issues, mainly due to the 3:30am alarm every day.  But I've been doing this schedule since 1995, so why just in the past couple of years has it seemed to get worse?

That's why I have spent time with the Northside Hospital Sleep Disorders Center in Atlanta, where Dr. Lacey has interviewed me and had me undergo an overnight study at their Center, which should really be called a hotel.  After monitoring everything from my breathing to my heart rate to my brain patterns, Dr. Lacey came up with his recommendations.  

First, he made sure I understood that as long as I was working the hours I do, my sleep would never be 100% healthy.  However, he explained that by helping the percentage of disturbed sleep that we can control, I could see dramatic results.

Speaking of results, I learned from my overnight study that 78% of my sleep is in the first two stages of sleep, and that I only spend about 8% of my time in deep sleep.  They also learned that my deeper sleep is disturbed, but I don't wake up, about 17 times per hour.  However, I do not have sleep apnea, snoring issues, or restless leg syndrome which can cause those "arousals" in the night.  SO what is causing those disturbances?

Unlike Bert, whose Circadian Rhythms needed to be reset with his light box, my issues may not only be related to the hours I work but also what my body has gone through with my dialysis and kidney transplant (and all the meds in between.)  He changed my sleeping pill to try and achieve more efficient sleep, despite the short amount of it, plus we are checking my iron levels to see if those disturbances in my sleep are due to nutritional abnormalities.  All of these decisions are in conjunction with my Nephrologists at Piedmont Hospital so that all my medical care is being monitored together.

I already see a difference in the way I sleep, and what seems to be a deeper sleep since changing pills, since I wake much more alert than before.  Once we figure out the nutritional levels, that sleep may continue to improve.

Why not find out what issues are going on with you, by going to our Ask the Experts page? It's totally free, and learning how to get better sleep will not only help you but also all the people around you.  Better sleep = better relationships = better life!

The VIDEO of my visit is now online, with an explanation of how the process works along with some of the moves I performed! 

"Could I actually get the EXTRA-Large?"

I flipped my outfit over the bathroom stall after my failed attempt to pour into it, and Michal was kind enough to honor my request.

I was in the bathroom at Hi Rez Studios getting ready to do my Mocaps, or motion capturing, for their new game called "Global Agenda."  Motion capturing is the process of recording movement and translating that movement onto a digital model.  Is this case, they were recording my movements for my character in the game.  Because your exact movements need to be captured to put into the computer, the outfit you must wear during the recording has to be skin tight.  Sensors are attached to your clothing in order to record your movements, so loose-fitting clothes would force those sensors to slide around while you move and defeat the purpose.

There is a pressure in actually fitting in the outfit, but I knew when given the choice of a size that I've been in better shape.  That's why I chose Size Large thinking it would work.  Not so much.

"Could I actually get the EXTRA-Large?"

Michal brought it to me as I stood in the stall regretting all those "just one more brownie" moments of my life.  But fortunately the XL worked, and I presented myself to not only Hi Rez staff members but other building employees who happened to be in the hall at the exact moment I was making my way from the bathroom to the studio set up for my Mocaps.  And of course they had to be listeners and recognize me.  Nice to meet you too, lord help me.

Imagine a large office space without any furniture, some outlets hanging from the ceiling, and tape on the floor.  That's what the studio looked like when I first walked in.  Near the wall closest to the door was a folding table supporting a computer and a cup full of small sensors.  Daniel was working on the keyboard setting up the program, and explained the process to me as Michal attached the loose sensors to my second skin.

We had gathered a list from listeners on what Mocaps I should do for the game.  They included that famous crane move from "Karate Kid," flirt, blow a kiss, moon, wave, gasp, and threaten or taunt.  We also acted out playing air guitar, celebrate, applaud, and being a "rump shaka."  I still have to go back and record more mocaps specific to the character along with the voice-overs, and just might have to break out a Beyonce or Soulja Biy dance.

I will have more to share once I complete the process.  Meanwhile, the guys at Hi Rez have a sneak peek at what my character will look like. (Drumroll....)

Ta-dah!  Do I look like I could kick your ass.  I thought so.....