Melissa Times
And So It Begins....
Since this is my last week on The Bert Show, I went in today and cleaned out my desk.
Here is what my cube looked like before:
And after:
Dentists Reveal Oddest Requests
The Chicago Dental Society has released results of a survey, where they asked hundreds of dentists to share the strangest requests they have ever heard. Here are the Top 10:
10. Can you pull my tooth without anesthesia?
9. Can you wire my mouth shut to help my diet?
8. Can you identify this set of dentures? They were left in the bathroom at work.
7. Can I pay you to come to my office every day to floss my teeth?
6. Will you pull all of my teeth and give me dentures?
5. I just broke off my engagement. Can you take the diamond from my ring and put it in my tooth?
4. Will you give me anesthesia in my lips? I'm going to get permanent lipstick tattooed on and it will help the pain.
3. Can you do an emergency cleaning so I can go to my high school reunion with a bright smile?
2. Can I keep the teeth you pull so I can make a necklace out of them?
1. Can you give my dog braces?
Hello, My Name Is Mrs. Almighty
Scholars are saying that early versions of the Bible featured Asherah, a fertility goddess who may have been God's wife.
Francesca Stavrakopoulou is a senior lecturer at the University of Exeter in England, with a focus on Israelite and Judahite history and religion.
"Archaeological evidence as well as details in the Bible, indicate not just that he was on of several worshipped in ancient Israel, but that he was also coupled with a goddess, who was worshipped in his temple in Jerusalem," she says. "The Almighty's wife was presented as a deity in Israel, who sat alongside him."
And why is she not in our Bibles now? Editors of the text all but removed her form the sacred book.
See more here.
Secrets Your Mail Carrier Won't Tell You
1. Maybe your dog won't bite you. But in 2009, nearly 3,000 of us were bitten - an average of nine bites per delivery day. That's why I wince when your Doberman comes flying out the door.
2. Remember this on Valentine's Day. It takes our machines longer to read addresses on red envelopes (especially if they're written in colored ink.)
3. Why stand in line? At usps.com you can buy stamps, place a hold on your mail, change your address, and apply for passports. We even offer free package pickup and free flat-rate envelopes and boxes, all delivered right to your doorstep.
4. Media Mail is a bargain, but most of you don't know to ask for it. Sending 10 pounds of books from New York City to San Francisco through Media Mail costs $5.89, compared with $16.77 for Parcel Post. Besides books, use it to send manuscripts, DVDs, and CDs; just don't include anything else in the package.
5. We don't get a penny of your tax dollars. Really. The sale of postage, products, and services at our 36,000 retail locations, and on our website, covers all of the post office's operating expenses.
6. UPS and FedEX charge you $10 or more for messing up and address. Us? Not a cent.
7. Paychecks, personal cards, letters - anything that looks like good news - I put those on top. Utility and credit card bills? They go under everything else.
8. Sorry if I seem like I'm in a hurry, but I'm under the gun. Our supervisors tell us when to leave, how many pieces of mail to deliver, and when we should aim to be back. Then some of us scan bar codes in mailboxes along our route so they can monitor our progress.
9. Yes, we do have to buy our own stamps, but a lot of us carry them for customers who need them. If we don't charge you, that's because we like you.
10. Use a ballpoint pen. Ink from those felt tips runs in the rain.
11. Please dress properly when you come to the door. A towel wrapped around you doesn't cut it. And we definitely don't want to see you in your underwear.
12. We serve 150 million addresses six days a week, so we're often in the right place at the right time. We pull people out of burning cars, catch burglars in the act, and call 911 to report traffic accidents, dead bodies, and more.
13. Most of us don't mind if you pull up to our trucks while we're delivering and ask for your mail a little early. But please get out of your car and come get it. Don't just put your hand out your window and wait for me to bring it to you.
Secrets Your Pilot Won't Tell You
Things Your Boss Won't Tell You
Girl Scout Communications Badge - The Poster
I decided to dip my toe back into the Girl Scout pool by earning my Communications badge. Make sense, right? I have been doing morning radio professionally for 15 years, not counting the scattered time I dabbled in radio in high school and college.
According to the Girl Scout Badge Book there are nine projects to complete to gain the Communications badge. The first is titled as Signals, and I am supposed to put together a collage or poster with examples of different types of communication. Examples given are semaphone (a term which I didn't immediately recognize), sign language, signal flags, international road signs, or a referee's signal. So here is my poster:
Now that I have created this poster, I have to pick one set of these and teach them to someone else. Since the SuperBowl is this weekend, I think I will learn a few Referee Signals. Examples of that to come...
Eric and His Death Ray
If this were my son I could see us working on this project together, while Katie Jo hides at the neighbor's house without claiming to know us. But maybe this Indiana teenager wouldn't want any help.
Nineteen-year-old Eric Jacqmain created a homemade death ray. Yes, a death ray. For those who just said cool under your breath, I salute you.
Young Eric used 5,800 tiny mirrors to make a death ray powerful enough to melt steel, vaporize aluminum, boil concrete, turn dirt into lava, and obliterate any organic material in an instant.
He glued the mirror tiles on top of a fiberglass satellite dish and drilled a hole on the back to allow light to shine through a translucent piece of plastic.
Why, you skeptics may ask? To prove how powerful the energy the Sun emits really is.
Too powerful for indoors, I'm afraid, since the R5800 Solar Death Ray as he called it was destroyed in a shed fire by its own generated energy.
You Got Served!
Getting served divorce papers or lawsuits is not the most ideal situation to be in, but certainly there are better times to do it than when these poor recipients got their's:
Satchel Paige - His wife served him with divorce papers while he was walking onto the field during a game at Wrigley Field.
Eddie Montgomery - He's half of the duo Montgomery Gentry, and was eating out at a Kentucky steakhouse when he was served. He tweeted afterward, U find out u got cancer then u found out ur wife can't handle that so she seek of and files for a divorce ,,, merry christmas.
Michael Garin - The Broadway composer had been separated from his wife for four years. But it was the timing that bothered him, since he was mid-song during a set in New York. The next song he launched into was "Love and Marriage" by Frank Sinatra.
Speaking of Sinatra, he decided to serve then-wife Mia Farrow divorce papers in front of the whole cast and crew of Rosemary's Baby. Mia fell to her knees and wept in front of everyone, so director Roman Polanski said the shoot would be canceled for the day. Mia insisted on continuing and used her emotions in the scenes.
Christina Milian - She was just 9 days away from giving birth when then-husband The Dream served her papers. Though the two were separated the timing was a little off.
Melissa Etheridge - Tammy Lynn Michaels apparently lured her estranged wife to a hotel to visit their kids. But when Melissa arrived, all that greeted her were the divorce papers.
The Salahis - The White House gatecrashers apparently decided to walk out on a $15,000 bill at a club, so the club's lawyers found them at a premiere party for Michaele Salahi's show, Real Housewives of D.C.
I Never Earned A Girl Scout Badge
The Girl Scout Mission is to build girls of courage, confidence, and character, who will make the world a better place. I think that message was missed on me at Trinity Lutheran Church in Columbia, Tennessee back in the 70's. That is the church that donated space for my Troop's meetings and where I donned a green uniform of a Girl Scout. But mine was missing something very important - a badge. Not a bunch of badges, I mean any badges. I had my wings from the ceremonial graduation from Brownie to the big girl status of Girl Scout. And my Troop number. But that was it. My field of green paled in comparison to LaRissa Parker's sash filled with crops of badges that told the world just how accomplished she was.
Upon telling this story to friends - who either laughed or stared in disbelief - I decided to purchase the Girl Scout Badge Book to take a closer look at all the opportunities I missed. Thumbing though the spiral-bound guide I find badges for discovering my Family's Heritage, learning how to give First Aid, Dancing, and of course selling the infamous Girl Scout cookies, plus scores of pages more.
Just because I was incredibly lazy and uninspired at the age of 8 doesn't mean I can never make up for it. So, I have decided to dedicate myself again to the Girl Scout code and earn my badges. That's right. I, as a 40-year-old, will fill my sash with those symbols of American youth and show my inner child it is never too late. Of course first I need to find a local Troop Leader willing to validate my work and award me these precious coins of stitched fabric.
My grand scout plan is to take on these badges one at a time during the year and blog my efforts in earning them. Maybe we can all learn something from the experience like, for instance as my Girl Scout Badge Book indicates, FUN is the most important part of earning a badge.
Pin the Tail on the UFO
The National UFO Reporting Center has spent the last two decades collecting over 30,000 reports of UFO sightings. Now there are maps outlining where those calls came from and you'll see most clusters are not in the South, as is generally stereotyped.
Things Your Boss Won't Tell You
1. "Yes, we are reading your e-mails....and your IMs."
One in five large U.S. companies fired an employee for violating e-mail policies in the past year. The market for e-mail monitoring software has grown more than 25% each year since 2008 and is projected to reach $1.23 billion in 2013. More than one in three large U.S. companies employ actual people to read or analyze employee e-mail.
2. "You're too old for this."
Roughly 25% of employers said they were reluctant to hire older workers, and after looking at only a resume employers discriminated against women they perceived to be 50 or older. Laid-off workers 55 and older spent an average of 35 weeks looking for work, compared with 30 weeks for 25 to 54 year-olds.
3. "I know you're faking the flu."
The boss often knows if you're slacking off, job-hunting, sneaking out, faking sick or padding your expense report. In fact, a growing number of companies are hiring private investigators to track employees who call in sick with a suspicious illness. Perhaps it's a sign of tough times, since more than one in four employers say they think more employees have been faking illness and taking the day off since the economic downturn began.
4. "Your kid? Your problem."
5. "I'm your best friend...."
6. "...and your worst enemy."
One study found that in incidences of workplace bullying, the boss is the bully 72% of the time. Employees who had worked for four years under a boss who was uncommunicative, inconsiderate or opaque were 60% more likely to have a heart attack.
7. "I don't promote based on performance."
Usually, workers have to do a good job to get promoted. But in many cases, that's not enough. In some organizations, particularly larger, more traditional companies, seniority may be the main factor in promotion decisions. Compatibility with the boss is critical, too.
Nearly half of workers say their boss has taken credit for their work, and more than a third say their boss has thrown them under the bus to save himself. That kind of credit-grabbing and blame-deflecting behavior is growing more common. In a tight labor market, there's so much pressure to achieve and people feel like they have to be overachievers.
8. "I'm shallow."
People who are unattractive or overweight in their bosses' eyes are punished for it at the office. As a result, good-looking people earn 3% to 8% more than average-looking people, who, in turn, earn 5% to 10% more than those rated plain.
9. "I don't have time for you."
Bosses have always been busy, but since the cutbacks of the recession many managers now have even less time to supervise, talk to, or nurture their staffs. Two-thirds of employees say they have too little interaction with their boss, up from just over half in 2008.
10. "It's all about me."