Epidemic /ep-i-DEM-ik/ noun: extremely prevalent, a rapid spread or increase in the occurrence of something.

Based on these definitions, I’m not sure why Relationship Violence has yet to be defined as an epidemic. This week alone, Chicago’s Craig Stebic was named a “person of interest” in the disappearance of his wife, Lisa. They were in the process of a messy divorce.

In Wyoming, Robin Munis is believed to have been shot and killed by her estranged husband, David. She was singing on stage with a band at a restaurant when she got hit. He is a National Guardsman who had sniper training.

In Montgomery, Alabama, Eric Robinson killed his children, along with himself, outside his estranged wife’s home.

And near Houston, Terry Lee was doused with gasoline and burned to death by her boyfriend, John Dodd.

In recent months, the stories poured from our tv’s, newspapers, and the Internet about other victims like Clara Riddles and Nancy Benoit in Georgia, Rebecca Griego in Washington, Jessie Davis in Ohio, and Eric Johnson in Indiana, who crashed his plane into his former mother-in-law’s house killing him and his 8-year-old daughter.

These tragedies date back years, the stories that gripped us like O.J. Simpson and Scott Peterson, stories that never saw the light of cameras, and the countless other victims whose fate has yet to be revealed. Bringing attention to this as an epidemic of Relationship Violence is not to convey the evil of men.

To the contrary.

Men and their emotions are underserved, both now and seemingly throughout history. Women’s personal lives are sprinkled with activities to lower their stress and heal their “inner child,” including massages, facials, yoga, having a “good cry” at a sad movie or while on the phone with your best friend, even therapy…..all of which are acceptable for women to participate in. In fact, the more of these activities that women participate in, the higher her status in society. But for men, these activities are taboo.

So what do men usually do to relax?

Activities that sometimes involve acts of violence, like hunting, fishing, football, or video games that include killing others level after level. The music that men are oftentimes associated with include screaming guitars and smashing drumbeats.

So when do men get to be quiet and pampered? Hardly ever. And even if there is the opportunity for them to be, they refuse it. Why? They are taught it’s not manly to participate in such things as a massage or yoga. Being a man means to be tough. Being a man means big boys don’t cry. Being a man means to soldier up and not show your emotions. Being a man unfortunately is starting to mean not handling your emotions when something really hurts, like a failed relationship.

I have no solution to the issue, other than wanting us as a society not to overlook what seems to be the undercurrent of insecurity and frustration that is coursing through men’s bodies. And for some it means not knowing the boundary between being competitive and “fired up” to being violent and a criminal.

In the case of any epidemic in terms of a disease, there is a sense of relief and determination once a mysterious illness is given a name, like cancer or AIDS. Let’s call it Relationship Violence, and cure it.