Millie Pete's Frozen Grandbabies
Posted by Melissa Carter at 12/10/2007 9:06 PM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: gay Mom Melissa Bert Show Katie Jo fertility my Mom Bert Show Q100 lesbian
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: gay Mom Melissa Bert Show Katie Jo fertility my Mom Bert Show Q100 lesbian
This is actually a continuation of my previous blog To Be A Mom, Or Not To Be A Mom.
Maybe this new blog should actually be titled A Needle, A Probe, A Fibroid, Oh My...but I'm jumping ahead.
The next step in the egg-freezing process took place a few weeks ago. I had been instructed to call the doctor's office when my cycle started, so that I could come in for testing.
First, I was taken to a small room so they could draw a vile of blood. There is a hormone in every woman that, at elevated levels, could be an indication something is wrong with the eggs. They wanted to test that hormone during my cycle to see how it was responding to my vulnerable egg. The results would return the next day or so.
Apparently at the time of your period, and your body's work in releasing an egg, they can also get a better look at the ducts of your ovaries to see if everything is working properly. This is done with an internal ultrasound, during which they also analyze the condition of your uterine wall. I'm, of course, simplifying something that is very scientific, but that's the gist of the appointment. So, I had to wear the paper skirt as they performed the ultrasound, grateful that any mention of my very-public job wasn't made until after my jeans were back on.
Everything proved in working order, despite the fact they found a small fibroid on my uterus. My gynecologist already knew about it, and neither doctor seems too concerned. Apparently it's common in most women.
The next day came the phone call on the condition of my eggs. (Drum roll) THE GIRLS ARE GOOD!! So that means that I can go ahead with the freezing process. Whew.
My girlfriend, Katie Jo, joined me for the follow-up consultation that took place a few weeks later. We were informed again of the aforementioned results and the procedure that would need to be done to secure the eggs.
But the next piece of information the doctor shared changed everything.
There is a higher chance of survival from the freezer for an EMBRYO over an egg. In other words, if I went ahead and fertilized my eggs before freezing them, I had a much better chance of having children.
Something about that statement from the doctor caused Katie Jo and I to freeze ourselves for a minute. Something about freezing an egg didn't seem as heavy as freezing - a child?
The doctor did mention the potential moral issue of freezing an embryo. Honestly, though, that wasn't a concern for me. I knew that if at my core I didn't want to be a mother, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. But I thought I'd have more time to consider things like, for instance, who the "father" would be. Many lesbians tease about a good looking guy being "donor material," but when I said it I was kidding.
Maybe this new blog should actually be titled A Needle, A Probe, A Fibroid, Oh My...but I'm jumping ahead.
The next step in the egg-freezing process took place a few weeks ago. I had been instructed to call the doctor's office when my cycle started, so that I could come in for testing.
First, I was taken to a small room so they could draw a vile of blood. There is a hormone in every woman that, at elevated levels, could be an indication something is wrong with the eggs. They wanted to test that hormone during my cycle to see how it was responding to my vulnerable egg. The results would return the next day or so.
Apparently at the time of your period, and your body's work in releasing an egg, they can also get a better look at the ducts of your ovaries to see if everything is working properly. This is done with an internal ultrasound, during which they also analyze the condition of your uterine wall. I'm, of course, simplifying something that is very scientific, but that's the gist of the appointment. So, I had to wear the paper skirt as they performed the ultrasound, grateful that any mention of my very-public job wasn't made until after my jeans were back on.
Everything proved in working order, despite the fact they found a small fibroid on my uterus. My gynecologist already knew about it, and neither doctor seems too concerned. Apparently it's common in most women.
The next day came the phone call on the condition of my eggs. (Drum roll) THE GIRLS ARE GOOD!! So that means that I can go ahead with the freezing process. Whew.
My girlfriend, Katie Jo, joined me for the follow-up consultation that took place a few weeks later. We were informed again of the aforementioned results and the procedure that would need to be done to secure the eggs.
But the next piece of information the doctor shared changed everything.
There is a higher chance of survival from the freezer for an EMBRYO over an egg. In other words, if I went ahead and fertilized my eggs before freezing them, I had a much better chance of having children.
Something about that statement from the doctor caused Katie Jo and I to freeze ourselves for a minute. Something about freezing an egg didn't seem as heavy as freezing - a child?
The doctor did mention the potential moral issue of freezing an embryo. Honestly, though, that wasn't a concern for me. I knew that if at my core I didn't want to be a mother, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. But I thought I'd have more time to consider things like, for instance, who the "father" would be. Many lesbians tease about a good looking guy being "donor material," but when I said it I was kidding.
I really have to go out looking for.....gulp.....sperm?!?
The doctor then recommended using a sperm bank to purchase these fertilization materials. He said these candidates, and their goods, have already been screened for diseases and a history of genetic defects, and that all the legalities have been set. Nobody there could come sue for custody of the kid.
Ok, sounds easy enough. I was given the names and websites of highly-recommended banks in other parts of the country, and instructions on what the next step would be when I decided it was time.
So here we go, Katie and I out of the doctor's office, realizing this thing was real. That once I started the process, I would have Millie Pete's Frozen Grandbabies in a Frigidaire somewhere in Atlanta.
Would that make me decide to be a mother faster than I normally would have, knowing they are there?
When exactly would I trace the child's beginning of existence? If my embryo was created in 2008, and someone else got pregnant naturally in 2009, but I didn't have the kid until 2012.....which kid would really be older?
What do I tell the child when she or he asks about their father?
And how to pick the actual donor? That's a whole other blog.
Or maybe I'll just narrow the list of donors down and give it to the listeners, like some online voting poll: Pick Melissa's BabyDaddy. Then, if the kid is a nightmare to raise, I'll just blame the Bert Show community.
My husband and I almost went with donor insemination when we were diagnosed with infertility. Actually, I went through a couple of cycles and then stopped. Something just didn't feel right. I was frustrated that the way the laws stood then, there was NO WAY that my child could later find his or her genetic father. Something about creating a child and then denying them that primal right, to know where they came from, felt really selfish to me.
I understand that lots of people have done this and are fine with it, and maybe you are, too: this is just my story. We ended up adopting a couple of years later and everything has worked out great.
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My husband and I have been trying for a child for over 3 years. It's one of the hardest things I've had to deal with in my life. The advice I give, is to go with your gut feeling.
Leslie
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My partner and I are also thinking about beginning the process for donor insemination. We also have a teenage daughter, so we know that at the end of the day it will be well worth the process it takes to get another baby... even once it hits 13.
Congratulations and Good Luck!
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Wow...reading this was like watching that movie If These Walls Could Talk when Ellen Degeneris and her girlfriend Sharon Stone were going to the Fertility Clinic to go through the process you are speaking of. My input though Melissa....
If you have to go pick up a canister of frozen sperm, please get a little hand lift or something so you don't struggle carrying that missle like thing all around.
callie
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My partner and I went through the insemination process six years ago... the process was a little scary, however, when we walked in the doctor's office, the director once babysat my partner... strange but true!!! Our little guy knows he has two moms who love him, he grew in my tummy and her heart... he was a precious gift from a generous donor... no "father" was used in the making of this baby!! Good luck with whatever your decision may be!!
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My partner and I are in the early stages of starting a family.. one really cool local "sperm bank" is Xytex in augusta.. you can search online for a donor and get a lot of info.. 2 of our friends have used them, and who we will go to when we get that far.
http://www.xytex.com/index.cfm
good luck katie jo and melissa!
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wow melissa, i can't believe you wrote about this when just these last 2 weeks i've been asking my friends if i should freeze my eggs (34, single and no prospects). i loved the story and it prepared me for what i can expect. i agree, looking for sperm will be difficult and that is why i would love for you when you are ready, to keep blogging on this subject. i'd love to know where your thoughts and research take you as i will be slowly walking down the same path. good luck to you and katie jo and thank you for being so open and honest with your listeners.
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