It Really Is About The Little Things
Posted by Melissa Carter at 8/5/2008 7:53 PM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: gay Bert Show Melissa Christmas cancer Bert Show Q100 lesbian Dad
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: gay Bert Show Melissa Christmas cancer Bert Show Q100 lesbian Dad
I was sitting with my mother - Millie Pete - recently, and as two women can do for hours, we talked about random things.
The conversation lead to something special my father did for her just before his death. It made me realize that despite all those concerns couples have about how to impress each other, and the world, what it really comes down to are small things.
My parents were married for 50 years before he died of cancer in 2001. And I'm sure they had plenty of ups and downs, my even having witnessed some of them growing up, but once they reached their elder-years things were different. There were no kids at home, no job to rush off to, and more countertop space dedicated to medicine bottles.
What was left for them in the end was their reliance on their friendship. And here's a note to all parents - what's most charming to your children is the thought that you are more into each other than you are into your children, regardless of how old you are.
My father never missed bringing my mother chocolates for Valentine's Day or a big gift for her birthday.
Even though we limited the gifts given at Christmas, he always ignored that restriction and piled them up for Mom.
Bob Carter was great in the garden, and planted a rose bush so he could bring her the clippings.
He even made her mixed-tapes in his 70's.
So during my recent conversation with Millie Pete, she mentioned something he had given her before his death that I didn't know about.
Dad struggled with cancer for about a year before he died, and became unable to leave the house during that time. When Valentine's Day and Mom's birthday came around, he was unable to go shopping for her himself and apparently didn't want anyone else to do the shopping for her. So, he gave her something that made her light up when talking to me about it.
Letters.
He wrote a long letter to her each of those days, simply to tell her what she meant to him in his life. Facing death can make anyone less insecure about expressing themselves, but those letters are something Mom pulls out an re-reads now that he is no longer here.
So what did they say? Thank you. That he appreciated her as a wife and mother. And other things she'll never share.
Who cares about the homes they lived in, the cars they drove, the styles they wore? True romance came from a man in a housecoat attached to an oxygen tank.
Thanks, Dad, for teaching me how it could be.
That is a beautiful summation of what we should try to achieve in this short time we have on planet earth. Pick your battles. If you think about them, most of them are not worth having. Count your blessings each day.
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ok - that one made me cry. You have always been the one who takes the words right out of my mouth on the show in the mornings. Thank you for sharing a little piece of yourself with us every day - I feel truly blessed!
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I understand completely what you are talking about. when my brother was terminally ill with cancer he did all the sweet things he could to let his family know how much they were appreciated from his hospice bed. He wrote letters, had long talks with us, told us how beautiful we were to him (even if we got up at 5 in the morning to help him and our hair was looking like Don King's! He had more courage and love that i ever hoped to have and I will cherish all of those memories. thanks for sharing! BTW met you at the HD, remember me?
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Thank you Melissa! You always know how to put things in perspective!! This one really made me cry! I try to express things like this to my partner. Neither of us our ill but I still try to keep everything very real between us!!
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beautiful...
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Thank You, Melissa for sharing such a beautiful and personal part of your life. As a newlywed, I love to hear stories about people who have been married longer than I've even been alive, and how they keep that passion up! God forbid, either my husband and I are ever in a place where something we want so badly is impossible, I can take this kinda of story and make it our own!
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