My High School Reunion Experience
Posted by Melissa Carter at 11/12/2008 8:30 AM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: coming out gay reunion Bert Show Bert Show Q100 graduation lesbian high schools
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: coming out gay reunion Bert Show Bert Show Q100 graduation lesbian high schools
The battles in one's mind are often much worse than what happens in real life. Take, for instance, my 20-year high school reunion that recently took place in the small town of Columbia, Tennessee. This would be the first time I would be out of the closet to my childhood friends, and I was mentally prepared for this potential war with my successful resume and beautiful girlfriend by my side. But Central High School proved to be a place of peace and even though they were impressed by my accomplishments and Katie Jo, the only thing my classmates really wanted to see was the Melissa from Sunnyside Drive.
Ironic the reunion took place during Central's football Homecoming weekend, since it really was a homecoming for me in the true sense. It would be the first time I would be coming home without pretense. I briefly attended our 10-year reunion alone, armed with the standard "I'm focusing on my career" response to their inquiries on my marital status. This time I spent the entire weekend there and shared my entire life openly. I hadn’t been that honest with my hometown friends since I was 12-years-old and safe from puberty.
I have been very fortunate in regards to my sexuality, since being gay has never been an obstacle for me after I came out at the age of 25. But when you come out to anyone new, you never knew how they will handle it. So, even though it’s worked out well for me throughout my adult life, I still didn’t know how coming out at my reunion would go.
I was palm-sweating, heart-racing nervous. Katie obviously saw this, and bless her for the bottle of wine she stashed in the car for our arrival. She poured me a glass once we parked, and we had our own little tailgate party in the lot.
That is, until there was a knock on the window. Standing there was my old Vice-Principal looking into my glass. Good lord, I thought, all this mental build-up and anxiety and I'll end up being kicked off campus for alcohol. But once I hesitantly rolled down the window, he asked me to straighten up my car and ignored the alcohol. That's great about the alcohol, but not so great that I look physically old enough to be drinking anywhere I want.
Here we go. Katie and I headed toward the high school on foot, but almost immediately someone yelled my name and my nerves were eased as I saw a group of friends approaching me with all smiles. And thus began a really fun weekend.
The Homecoming game served as the backdrop of everyone evolving from a sheepish group of people sitting together to familiar friends happy to see one another as they chased after their kids.
I would recommend to anyone attending a reunion to try and go to all the events. The smaller opening activities, like a BBQ or ballgame, helps you feel at ease when attending the bigger event. In our case that big event was an evening at a sports bar, with plenty of college football on the big screens and drinks flowing from the bartender.
And that is an environment where the initial pleasantries of the previous night turned into more honest commentary. The poignant moment of the weekend happened when a few of us gathered at the corner of a long table. One of my Sunnyside neighbors said to me:
"We wanted to pull you aside in high school and tell you we knew, but didn't do it."
The thought of everyone talking about me being gay 20-years ago might have been devastating, but hearing those words today was reassuring. Even knowing back then they still voted me their Class President, and knowing today they still invited Katie and I to dinners and vacations. Our calendars will fill with meals in Alpharetta, trips back to the Nashville area for visits, and a vacation in Austin to hang with the Valedictorian.
It was ok. My being gay was ok. And besides Bob and Millie Pete's approval, these people's opinions mattered most. Why? They were the ones I experienced my first birthday parties, bike rides, swimming lessons, Bible schools, skinned knees, lost teeth, pet deaths, perms, driving permits, beers, cigarettes, and dreams with. Of course I want to continue to share things with them and now I can.
On the way home, while Katie was researching the desperate state of affairs of our nation on her Blackberry, I quietly cried to myself. I found home again, and no longer needed to be the lost kid who fled the scene of her own crime. I felt a great sense of relief and accomplishment by going back, and felt part of my group for the first time in too many years. But most importantly I knew then there was no other place I would have wanted to grow up.
Ironic the reunion took place during Central's football Homecoming weekend, since it really was a homecoming for me in the true sense. It would be the first time I would be coming home without pretense. I briefly attended our 10-year reunion alone, armed with the standard "I'm focusing on my career" response to their inquiries on my marital status. This time I spent the entire weekend there and shared my entire life openly. I hadn’t been that honest with my hometown friends since I was 12-years-old and safe from puberty.
I have been very fortunate in regards to my sexuality, since being gay has never been an obstacle for me after I came out at the age of 25. But when you come out to anyone new, you never knew how they will handle it. So, even though it’s worked out well for me throughout my adult life, I still didn’t know how coming out at my reunion would go.
I was palm-sweating, heart-racing nervous. Katie obviously saw this, and bless her for the bottle of wine she stashed in the car for our arrival. She poured me a glass once we parked, and we had our own little tailgate party in the lot.
That is, until there was a knock on the window. Standing there was my old Vice-Principal looking into my glass. Good lord, I thought, all this mental build-up and anxiety and I'll end up being kicked off campus for alcohol. But once I hesitantly rolled down the window, he asked me to straighten up my car and ignored the alcohol. That's great about the alcohol, but not so great that I look physically old enough to be drinking anywhere I want.
Here we go. Katie and I headed toward the high school on foot, but almost immediately someone yelled my name and my nerves were eased as I saw a group of friends approaching me with all smiles. And thus began a really fun weekend.
The Homecoming game served as the backdrop of everyone evolving from a sheepish group of people sitting together to familiar friends happy to see one another as they chased after their kids.
I would recommend to anyone attending a reunion to try and go to all the events. The smaller opening activities, like a BBQ or ballgame, helps you feel at ease when attending the bigger event. In our case that big event was an evening at a sports bar, with plenty of college football on the big screens and drinks flowing from the bartender.
And that is an environment where the initial pleasantries of the previous night turned into more honest commentary. The poignant moment of the weekend happened when a few of us gathered at the corner of a long table. One of my Sunnyside neighbors said to me:
"We wanted to pull you aside in high school and tell you we knew, but didn't do it."
The thought of everyone talking about me being gay 20-years ago might have been devastating, but hearing those words today was reassuring. Even knowing back then they still voted me their Class President, and knowing today they still invited Katie and I to dinners and vacations. Our calendars will fill with meals in Alpharetta, trips back to the Nashville area for visits, and a vacation in Austin to hang with the Valedictorian.
It was ok. My being gay was ok. And besides Bob and Millie Pete's approval, these people's opinions mattered most. Why? They were the ones I experienced my first birthday parties, bike rides, swimming lessons, Bible schools, skinned knees, lost teeth, pet deaths, perms, driving permits, beers, cigarettes, and dreams with. Of course I want to continue to share things with them and now I can.
On the way home, while Katie was researching the desperate state of affairs of our nation on her Blackberry, I quietly cried to myself. I found home again, and no longer needed to be the lost kid who fled the scene of her own crime. I felt a great sense of relief and accomplishment by going back, and felt part of my group for the first time in too many years. But most importantly I knew then there was no other place I would have wanted to grow up.
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story!
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Melissa,
Very well written! As your sorority sister, I am honored to know you and I am very supportive of YOU and your life! And this coming from a Republican...never make assumptions about people! Hootie Hoo!
Caroline
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I am so glad that it worked out for you the way it did! That is a feel good story for sure!
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i wanted you to know i am not gay but this story touched me dearly. i think that it is great you found what you wanted.
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Thanks for the story Melissa. I was out in high school and continually given grief. Next year will be reunion #25 and I haven't been to one yet and have no plans to attend this one. You have some special friends and are truly blessed. Thanks again.
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Melissa, although I am not gay I believe this artical is indicitive of so many of our lives. It should be easy to go home and is not always! Thank you for your artical! It touched my heart!
Amy Penny Atlanta Georgia
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Melissa!!!! Gosh I am so sorry you felt this way coming home. I have never heard a single person speak ill of you - twenty years ago to today. You are a wonderful person who is filled with life and love - just being near you one can feel it!!
Take Care. There is always a place at my table for you. Oh, well slight problem - don't cook much - should say "always a place for you at my (restaurant) table. LOL
~Raquel (Pendola) Waters
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Hey Melissa. Even though I am not gay I am so glad you have expressed your feelings and thoughts on this subject. I think people of all religions and races can relate to your experience in going home. No one should feel like they cant go home and be who they are in fear of being beated down. CONGRATULATIONS!!!
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