You Don't Have To Be Old To Say Goodbye
Posted by Melissa Carter at 6/15/2009 8:49 PM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: gay lesbian deaths my friends Bert Show Bert Show Q100 Melissa
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: gay lesbian deaths my friends Bert Show Bert Show Q100 Melissa
Sometimes there are moments in life that seem to freeze you where you stand. I just had one of those moments.
I was checking e-mail and found a message from an unknown sender regarding two of my friends in New York, Bunni and Karen. And I'm finding the worst news usually comes from strangers since he informed me that both my friends have died.
Having a chronic illness, I understand that you sometimes like to keep the information to yourself since people begin to define you by that illness without meaning to. The constant questions of how you are feeling as well as the looks of sympathy can wear thin on your emotions. But even having performed that spy-like secrecy myself, I never detected that both these women were doing it to me. Both lost their battles within months of each other - of illnesses I am still not fully aware of - after having been together as a loving couple for decades. There is a sweetness to that.
I had recently sent them a letter and this strange e-mail had come from someone who was handling their affairs and had seen it. I told him I appreciated that effort.
I didn't get to say goodbye to them, but fortunately Katie and I had just seen them in Atlanta within the last year. And upon reflection our final visit at Silk in Midtown that evening had been as they needed it to be, full of laughter and celebration and a parting hug that didn't have to last too long.
Now that the frozen moment is ending, the tears begin to fall.
You always know what to say. I love you and I'm so proud of you.
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Melissa,
I completely understand. I recently caught up with an old friend on facebook only to discover by reading her photo comments that her husband had died 6 months earlier and I did not know it. I sat there and cried like a baby. I cried for not being there for her during the funeral and after and I cried for being so out of touch with her that I did not know. But I did not cry for my last time with Steve because I know it ended with a big happy hug, as it always did. For that I am thankful and I have re-doubled my efforts to always say goodbye, just in case....
My heart goes out to you on this sad night!
Paula
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So sorry for your loss! Sounds like they were meant to be together always!
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I'm so sorry for both the shock and the loss. I'm glad you have the memory of that last visit in Atlanta, where everything seemed just right. Take care!
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You are an incredible writer with a huge heart. So sorry for your loss
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i wonder if they knew that might be their last time to see you...could be they were saying their goodbyes, but wanted to keep the memories happy on purpose. that would actually be kind of neat.
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I can relate to this blog. Before i left for the army I had a couple named Jeff and Jamie that came up to the bar were i worked every wed and friday night. These two men have been together for over 20 years and are the funniest and sweetest couple ive ever met. It wasnt till a week ago, I went back up to visit where i used to work where i found out that jamie had died in early April. Hiding his illness through out the past two year It was his time to go. Never truly saying goodbye is something that i struggle with. No ever thinks someone they once were friends with is going to die. Melissa keep your head up and know you made a impact on your friends lives whether you know it or not!
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