Why Aren't Men Angry?
Posted by Melissa Carter at 4/5/2010 1:47 PM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: men Bert Show Q100 angry Melissa
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: men Bert Show Q100 angry Melissa
In sports Tiger Woods has made headlines for months for his affairs with a growing number of women. In entertainment, Jesse James is putting his wife through a similar torture as Mrs. Woods is suffering, but we don't yet know if his number of mistresses will equal Tiger's. In politics there is John Edwards, whose love child was created behind his cancer-stricken wife's back.
But it's not just adult women who become victims of men's selfish actions. There have also been stories of abuse by men to both male and female children. In New Jersey we learned of the gang rape of a 7-year-old girl by a group of teenagers. Meanwhile certain Catholic priests in Europe are now bearing the public weight of their abuse of little boys just as American priests did a decade ago.
If you are the PR rep for Man you've got your work cut out for you. I'd like to find the straight woman or gay man who, without a shadow of a doubt, trusts their man 100% and knows he is not capable of such infractions. As a guy, aren't you embarrassed at what I assume is an answer of a resounding "No!"
Is there some kind of "guy code" that keeps one man from criticizing another? Or do men believe they are bad and incapable of being faithful or decent? And if that is the case, why don't men want to change? I guess that's what I'm waiting for - men to rise up and put an end to their own creepy ways.
I have and will continue to support women and their efforts to overcome adversity. But until the day men collectively want to stop rape, and men want to stop pedophilia, and men want to end infidelity, then I think the strides we make could very well be in vain.
Hello Melissa.
It is a shame that it is true about men. But there are some good guys around. They dont make the news because they don't make noise about themselves. My hubby isn't famous but he is a good guy. Never has wanted to cheat no matter what kind of pain I am.
I enjoy the show. You guys are great.
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I guess you've never heard of a woman being unfaithful or hurting children?
There was a story in the news last week about a woman drowning her child. People who hurt children, regardless of their sex are sick. I couldn't begin to explain it, because most people could never do those things.
As far as being unfaithful, my wife betrayed me after 17 years of marriage. I have since heard about many other women doing the same. You won't see them in the head line, because they are not celebrities.
So by your reasoning, I should now believe that all women are unfaithful. Well I don't, each and every person on this earth in an individual. Whether you are male, female, homosexual or straight does not diminish your capacity to to do right or wrong.
It's your own personal moral compass that you will use to make those decisions.
You can't condemn a sex, race, religion or nationality from what some do.
If you did, we would all be condemned.
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Your post has struck a nerve and my initial response is long and more than likely rambling. It may even be misguided, totally on a tangent, and irrelevant in places, but I'm going to post anyway.
As far as I know, there is no guy code barring criticism. I don't have a problem with criticizing another guy when he's doing something he shouldn't. I've heard several friends criticizing Jesse James and Tiger Woods for their transgressions. I think they're both disgusting for cheating on their wives. The bond of marriage is truly only important to the two individuals contained within it and their boundaries and rules. If one partner in a marriage (men aren't the only guilty ones) strays and betrays the other, that's a heinous violation of the marriage. They should be dealt with accordingly. Those kids who raped the girl? WTF? Who taught them to think that was okay? Are parents involved at all with their kids' lives? Are they teaching them anything? Those boys need to be punished. What about the girl's /stepsister/ who "sold" her?
Now, that's all anecdotal, so take it as you will.
Where are the men who are upstanding citizens who don't screw around on their wives/partners or go out and rape? You think there are absolutely 0? (stereotypes & hyperbole!) I will step out on a limb and say you'd be wrong. Most every person is capable of these acts. Men and women alike. It is whether and how they choose to act. My guess is men have probably continued because of the position of power they hold (physical, etc.), and that's an abuse of power.
How many voices are needed for you to consider to be the "collective"? I would say that most men (in a modern, western society) want to stop rape and pedophilia and many frown upon infidelity. You'll never reach an absolute 100%. Unfortunately, there are still those who want a patriarchal ruled society. (I mean, it hasn't been 100 years since women gained the right to vote in this country!) Do the majority of men feel this way? I don't think we do, but I don't know. I know I don't. People are people. Human beings. Genetically, we are all 99.9% the same. I personally don't understand why we have such deeply ingrained dislikes of "different".
Finally, are you equating infidelity with rape and sexual abuse of children? While I find all three acts to be wrong, they are not equal on the "abominable" scale and I do not condone any of them. Infidelity in many cases involves two consensual adults (the cheater and usually the person outside of the marriage) and one non-consensual. The latter two are acts where the victims are not consensual. In many cases they're acts of violence and about power. The only act of "violence" with infidelity is the potential for the spread of disease, which ups the ante.
With all of this being said I hope we continue to strive for equality for all people. What needs to be done (in your eyes) for the collective to show their desire for these to stop? As a man, what must I do?
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I guess I just don't get the point of being ANGRY about things that I have absolutely no control over. Why should I be ANGRY at Tiger Woods? He messed up massively and while his family has every right to be Angry at him, I don't see why I should be.
I am as puzzled by why anyone would get angry about a personal decision that someone they don't know makes when it doesn't affect their life in the smallest way. Save your anger for things that actually affect you and you have some interaction with.
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We men would love to defend ourselves but it is not possible without being called sexist in some way. So we will just take the punches like we always do and stay quiet.
Also, I am a young man in my early 20's that just graduated college with a lot of friends, both men and women. Of all the men I know, known are cheating, but around %75 of the women currently are. Is this maybe a generational thing because I sometimes get confused when I listen to your show since it is apparently out of the norm? To me, it is how it has always been. Who knows.
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I'm sure the perks of unearned male privilege makes up for a lot. However, patriarchy hurts everyone, sex or gender notwithstanding.
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I could care less who Tiger Woods or Jessie James sleeps with, obviously I am not married to them. It makes me nuts that the media gives these mistresses so much attention... they have to have their 15 minutes of fame and of course, their hush money. Perhaps if the media quits rewarding ridiculous behavior, they would shut up and go away. Rich men need to realize that all these girls want is money. How can such accomplished men be so stupid?? Wonder who will be next to be caught with their pants down??
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Good men are here and we get our kudos. We're just not, perhaps, as newsworthy.
Long gone are the days when the other woman would hide in shame for her acts with a married man/father. Now she expects an apology for getting hurt by dating a philandering man. (Are you listening Gloria?)
Men cheat. Women cheat. Most of the time, it is with each other. So why are men getting the brunt of the criticism? Ask a woman.
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