A Starbucks employee, with the fake name Egon, is letting the world know why your Barista at Starbucks hates you:

1.  Needless use of the lingo.  I'm paid barely enough to refer to a "medium" as a "grande."  You have no f'ing excuses to call that medium coffee a "grande bold."

2.  Using the order as a way to showcase the useless knowledge of coffee you have received from some other barista.  I don't want to hear about the "hints of cinnamon: you can detect in the Ethiopian blend.

3.  Rigidly upholding inevitable service distinctions.  (It's not like we can say "no" to your inane requests.)  For example:  ordering a latte and asking that it be made at 170 degrees.  Or, sending back a caramel macciato because it mixed together.  The latte WILL cool and the macchiato WILL mix together.  Deal with it.

4.  Suggesting "unique" drink concoctions to me.  Yes, I know that a vanilla bean frap with a little bit of Strawberry cream and a half pump of mocha tastes like a Neapolitan.  I work here.  Your discovery is by no means anything new.  And even if these mixtures weren't obvious, I still wouldn't want to hear your train of thought.

5.  Sharing information about the progress of your so-called "big project."  Sure, I'll smile, nod, and offer compliments, but that doesn't mean I'm any less convinced of the inevitable failure of your novel than your estranged spouse "Emma" is.  Dear customer, she is your wife, so she can afford to be discouragingly honest with you.  I, on the other hand, must make money; if I need to brown-nose, so be it.

6.  Quizzing me or offering comments about corporate performance.  I don't give a f'k about the press interview given by the CEO, and I don't know or want to know about any regional expansion plans.  I am the equivalent of a bag boy.  Memorizing the drink formulas is enough of a waste of my processing power.

Guess that's why I get my coffee from Dunkin Donuts.

Source


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