I Wanted to Be A Writer
Posted by Melissa Carter at 9/8/2010 10:00 AM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: learning disorder dyslexia Bert Show Melissa
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: learning disorder dyslexia Bert Show Melissa
I always assumed my inability to finish writing a tale was because I was lazy. Or too busy. But on an average day I will daydream an idea for a book or tv show, race through what the story arc should be, and contemplate it to it's completion fairly quickly. But I never get it down on paper. I simply started to share these stories with Katie verbally to get them out of my head.
I began this blog as a way to put short thoughts down as an outlet for my creativity. Yes, some entries are simply news items that have intrigued me, but there are other entries that are deeply personal and I am very proud of. I never really analyzed the fact that all I can complete is a quick blog entry. And even then, I need Katie to read it first in case I miss obvious mistakes.
When I turned 40 in March I declared this decade the "shit or get off the pot" stage of my life. If there was anything left to do that I'd always wanted to do, now was the time. No more excuses.
So, I decided to sit and write a book I've had on my brain for years. I've spent the past few months researching certain details so that familiar aspects of the story would be accurate. Katie even mentioned how pleased she was to see me finally sit down and write. This time I was going to do it. But the more I wrote, the more overwhelming it became to me.
Dragon*Con of all places clued me in to something that I never realized before, and what may be the reason I have had such difficulty completing this goal.
If you came into my library at home, you would see on my shelves graphic novels and on Katie's side traditional novels. I always assumed my love of art and story was the reason I read graphic novels. The fact that graphic novels are all that there is on my shelf, is something I never shared with anyone but Katie and my geek friends.
While at Dragon*Con this past weekend, I attended a session on graphic novels. One of the panelists was a librarian who mentioned the difficulty in getting some schools and libraries to take these books seriously, and his frustration since he credits graphic novels with saving his education. Ends up he had a learning disorder and the only thing that he could read growing up were graphic novels.
*insert lightbulb here*
It didn't really sink in until I was having dinner later that evening with my brother and Katie. I relayed what I had heard in that session and we began to form a checklist of my past. Some of the items included on that list are:
- I was always the slowest reader in my class, often turning the pages and skipping paragraphs to keep up with my friends during quiet reading.
- I only read two novels to their completion by the age of 20. Two. And both were unassigned and with no deadline.
- Since those two books, I have not read very many more as an adult. When we did our Summer Reading List for The Bert Show, I asked Katie to help me with what books to suggest to the others on the show.
- My brother and I realized when we played board games as kids I would immediately hand him the instructions and asked him to verbally tell me how to play the game.
- Letters jiggle on the page. Or a bright stream of electric current seems to flow between the words and letters. That's what I see if I read for any period of time.
- I have lied to adult friends about reading books I have not, and when asked about certain details I shrug and bluster as if to say, "where do I begin to tell you how I feel about that?"
- When I read newsscript on The Bert Show I have to place slash marks in the story for what I have told myself were breath marks. Other Communications majors I know don't do that. I have realized I place the slash marks so I don't lose my place in the chaos of the words.
And that's what they do, a large number of words on a page overwhelm me. We even realized at dinner the other night that I chose a career that requires very little reading. Yes, I wanted to be on air and be part of media. But did I do it for the true love of it, or did my life chart that path because I have a learning disability that went undiagnosed?
How did I make it through school without teachers or my parents knowing? I used Cliff's Notes for book reports in middle school and cheated on book exams in high school, thanks to my friends. I played it off like I had been too busy to read them, and being a class clown no one assumed I had any anxiety about it. That, coupled with the fact that I was in the Honors Program further masked the problem and kept everyone from realizing there was a real issue.
This weekend's realization that I may have a learning disorder forced me to question so many things in my past - much like learning the truth about a jolly old elf, if you know what I mean. Once that truth is revealed to you it's disappointing at first, then you move into a confusion about how you never realized it before, eventually ending with a satisfaction at knowing the truth. As if you had finally grown up.
The next step now is for me to be tested. Of course since I am well out of school I'm not quite sure how to go about getting tested for this, but I would like to know if indeed what I suspect is true, "Hello, my name is Melissa and I have a learning disorder."
I hope something can be done so that I can finally enjoy reading the way so many others do. But more than this I hope I can finally get these stories out of my head and into the hands of a reader where they belong.
To learn more about Dragon*Con, go here.
You Think YOUR Mother Freaks Out On You?
Reading this post was like reading my thoughts. It is me 100%. It took me going to 3 different colleges off and on for 13 years to finally just get an Associates degree. I still wonder what exactly it is, and how myself and my former teachers missed it.
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That's pretty darn interesting, Melissa. I just want to applaud you for the insight you gained on yourself this week. I hope you do get to the bottom of your struggle and, more importantly, get that book written. I do have one (unsolicited) suggestion-- why not dictate the story and have someone else transcribe it? That way, the words are yours, but you bypass the difficult part.
I love listening to you each morning, so I know I would love to read your words. Hope to see them on the page one day!
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I live with a brilliant and beautiful man who has learning disabilities. He attended the Howard School (a school for children with learning disabilities)in Atlanta and went on to college at Johnson Wales but dropped out. He now builds race and performance modified cars for a living. It is hard, physical work that brings him great satisfaction but there is something missing. He is a teacher at heart. I know this because I watch him every Sunday teach a group of girls I have gathered that want to build a race car. These girls watch his every move, hang on his every word and walk away dirty and happy and better for having been in his tutelage. His lessons include automotive basics, but his hands on approach teaches them more about believing you can do something amazing, even when the world says you can't, than how a transmission or engine works. I am very proud of him for finding an outlet for his true calling despite his struggles with his disabilities and his inability to reform to regular classroom learning. He may never get a degree and be able to share this amazing gift he has in a "normal" classroom, but he is in fact sharing his gifts and making a difference in the lives of the young women on this team. The self esteem grows as the car nears completion and the lessons are taken and shared with others. Life can be challenging when you have learning disabilities, but true passions find a way to surface and when they do, it is only to the benefit of society. Follow your dream. There are lives you can change and that my friend is what a gift is meant to do.
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Melissa,
I just wanted to Thank you/ for opening that part of your life to everyone....
I myself have gone all these years/ with his same issue..
And now my little girl /has the same issue
If I could ony paint you a beautiful picture /too show you how much/ I am greatfully thankfull.... have a blessed day ...
My Best,
Lee
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I appreciate your comments and slash marks.
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Wow - how very brave of you to not only be able to take a step back and realize this about yourself, but to share it with others. I am in awe!
I have a suggestion for you, as my father has a hard time with putting words to paper, yet he is a brilliant story teller. As he has gotten older, I have worried that his stories will disappear with him, so I bought him a pocket recorder. He carries it around with him during the day, when he feels a story coming on, he tells it into the recorder, and every few months when I visit, I copy the recordings to my computer and then transcribe them. I hope that one day, I will be able to create a book from his stories, as a tribute to the wonderful man I think he is.
I also find it interesting that you are setting the 40's as your time to get things done. I have decided the same thing, I am 41 now, but I have spent the time since my 40th trying to experience all the things I was too afraid to do when I was younger. Some things have turned out well, others were just scary - but whatever the case, I did them and I was proud of the achievement.
Good luck with your goals!
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I know this is a strange question, but is there anyway you could tweet a photo of how you write your news with the slashes? I think I do the same thing!
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http://twitpic.com/2ngr3a
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Melissa,
Heard you share on the radio and now reading and my prayer for you is healing. I hope you find the answers you seek so that you can become the BEST YOU (and not live up to some "expectation" that you or someone else has placed upon you. Best of Luck on your journey.
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See my Facebook comment about my L.D.
As for your book. By Dragon software. It is a great tool that attorneys use all the time. $100.00-$200.00 on Amazon, Tiger Direct etc.. You dictate into the microphone on your computer and it transcribes the document for you. I am a paralegal and I LOVE IT because it means I do not have to transcribe anymore.
Also all great writers have a great editor. Just ask my step father who wrote a book in English he is from Spain. Borders just bought his book. The man speaks broken English but he did it with the help of an editor.
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your story broke my heart, my beautiful 9 year old son struggles every day with reading and so what ever he can to not have to read. He is such a smart and beautiful kid and this has given me something to look into to help him- thank you for sharing your story. I want to help him so he can keep up with his classmates, and not feel so stupid (as he tells me) Thank you !!!
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I have a friend who reads through colored glasses. She says it helps keep things from moving around when she tries to read.
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Much like the other listeners and respondents here, I too have experienced the same my entire life. I have been doing some research and the best name I have come up with yet for it is maybe "convergence insufficiency". There is a NY Times article linked in the footnotes section of the Wikipedia page about it (link was too long to post here). Also, there are some success stories about 'curing' this on this optometrist directory site: http://www.visiontherapystories.org/convergence_insufficiency.html . I'm seeing a visit to the optometrist coming on for myself...Thanks for going public with this....I think you really might have saved lots of people continuing to think they were alone in this.
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Melissa,
I was truly moved by your story. I have been a fan of yours for years and my admirations continues to grow! Thanks for sharing this struggle with us. I know it will be helpful to a lot of people.
I always appreciate your honest and thoughtful comments during the show.
You rock!
Satya
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Hi Melissa, I am so glad to have found this post. I work at Dragon*Con for the YA Lit Track and we also did a panel on Graphic novels. We called it books for boys, but addressed in the panel that it's sort of out dated now to refer to graphic novels being specifically for boys. We had a group of librarians and teachers talking about the importance of graphic novels in education which I thought was fascinating. Classics such as Shakespeare are being translated into a graphic novel format and studies have shown that children that read the graphic novel first (particularly children with learning disabilities) are able to grasp the information much more quickly and it helps them learn.
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That was the exact panel I was referencing in this post. Small world, and thank you.
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I was so moved by your discussion of your reading difficulties.
Many students are helped with colored overlays such as these: http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=dyslexia+overlays&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=4342260269&ref=pd_sl_388gio504y_b.
You can search Amazon or your library for classic graphic novels and find many literary classics like Shakespeare, Dickens, Jane Eyre, Moby Dick, Frankenstein, Mark Twain.
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Melissa, thanks for sharing this. My name is Bev Kodak, and I'm the Director of the YA Lit track at Dragon*Con. I'm so glad that you discovered something about yourself because of our programming. The person on that panel is a friend of mine. His name is Davey Beauchamp, and I'm going to send him a link to your blog. I think you two should talk more.
Thanks for tweeting about this, or I never would have come across your article.
Regards,
Bev
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Hello,
I just wanted to say hello, because I was just sent an e-mail with a link to this blog.
I am the librarian from that panel. I am not sure what to say, but I am just glad I could help on some level. I have always been very vocal about my story and what helped me deal with my learning disability.
If you ever want someone to talk about it or need words of encouragement. Or help of any kind just give drop me a line.
Davey Beauchamp
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Thank you. I look forward to talking!
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If you want to write a book you need to look into joining Steve Harrisson's Million Dollar Author Club. He has helped Mark Victor Hansen, (Chicken Soup for the Soul) Robert Kiyosaki (Rich Dad, Poor Dad)and many other great people in the book writing industry. He does monthly interviews with unbelievable people and they share all their secrets. I don't work for them - I just think the material is a way to learn about the book writing business in the most simple way possible. You can do it...
Kellie
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Thank you so much for sharing about this. I am just now going back and catching up on segments on the website and came across this one.
I am 27 and just in the past year have wondered if I have a learning disability too. I am also a slow reader and would fake turning the pages in grade school to keep up. I was in honors classes and graduated at the top of my class, but used things like cliff notes to help me keep up. I have never liked reading. It is like my eyes move along each line, and at the end of the page, I realize I was never actually reading the words. I have horrible retention as well. I will honestly read something, comprehend it (with effort), and then can't comment on it later, because it has already left me.
My mom was a super-star teacher as well, so I don't know how I fell through the cracks, but I don't know where to go from here either. I haven't been through your archives to see if you have followed up with this, but would be interested in knowing if you have made any progress since sharing this on air.
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Oh my God Melissa,
I thought I was reading about myself. I always thought that I was the only one like this. Everyone was always finished with their reading and writing their notes in class long before me.
I've been writing poems and starting stories since grade school. I have notebooks full of stories that I never finished. Even now I have four current unfinished writing projects.
Please Please let me know if you find anything that helps you with this. If I could finish one story I would feel a real sense of accomplishment.
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Melissa,
I was listening this morning when you were describing your reading problems, and I felt compelled to write to you. I wanted to let you know that my daughter sees a vision therapist in Marietta named Dr. Cook. He sees people everyday that deal with things similar to what you described and works with them to train their eyes and their brains to work together to accomplish all kinds of things, including reading. Good vision isn't just about having 20/20 vision (as I've learned while he's helped my daughter) but also has to do with HOW our eyes work together as they move across a page of text and what the brain does with that information after it is received. My daughter does some of the weirdest vision exercises I've ever seen (as do the other people who visit his office) and to be quite honest, he's a little kooky too (but if you tell him I said that, I'll have to hunt you down). It was the best (gulp) $2000 I've spent in a while. An evaluation, however, is very affordable (and sometimes even free, I'd ask if you call. Heck, tell them Zara Johnson's mom told you to call if you want).
His website has an adult evaluation on the left (specifically see the questions under Reading).
http://cookvisiontherapy.com/index.html
I also found some additional information about the types of things he deals with here:
http://www.children-special-needs.org/vision_therapy/esophoria_reading.html
As someone who loves a good book, I wish you the best.
Teresa Johnson
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